Ask Parker Now dot Com

Fans – 03/16/10

admin — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:24:42 +0000

Q: Dear Parker, where are all your fans? You haven’t updated the questions in a while. Thanks Parker.

A: Dear Parker, your fans are all at a Jonas Brothers concert.

Website – 03/16/10

admin — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:23:50 +0000

Message: I am not happy with the slow response time from this website. Please advise.

Dear Steve, if i could walk and wasn’t all jacked up on morphine i’d kick your ass. Unlike Mahoney I cowgirled up!

Justin Timberlake – 03/12/10

admin — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:12:32 +0000

From: Gene Furleman

Message: HI BRO DO YOU KNOW WHEN WELL HAVE A NEW RECORD FROM JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND WHO MIGHT BE APPEARING ON IT WITH HIM. MAYBE JUSTIN BIEBER?

A: Justin Timberlake just got out of the studio after recording a song called “Jessica Biel’s Pants On The Ground”. Coming to a radio station near you. Cheers.

Twitter – 03/04/10

admin — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:28:42 +0000

From: AJ

Message:

Parker,
Why do you never update your twitter page? It seems to me that a
voluptuous mind such as yours would have ample tidbits in which to
tweet about. Now I know what you’re going to say Parker, you’re going
to say that Tweeting is Gay; but you couldn’t be more wrong. Plenty of
straight people tweet. Straight people like Ryan Seacrest, Ashton
Kutcher, Perez Hilton and Steve Thomas all tweet! So I humbly ask
again, why do you never update you twitter page Parker?

A: Because my phone is as ghetto as my car. Thanks.

Who is – 03/04/10

admin — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:27:01 +0000

From:
Jason’s Neighbor

Message:
Who exactly is this ‘Parker’ person!?!

A: He is one of my many split personalities. Cheers to you.

Trains and Clowns – 03/04/10

admin — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:26:17 +0000

From:
Kyla Weaver @ RLSE

Message:
How do I get ahold of the train guy in IL? and what is the clown
lady’s name in Jackson?

A: There is this website that’s really new and just came out last week
called GOOGLE. Good luck.

Moving Tiger – 03/04/10

admin — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:25:11 +0000

From: Gene Furleman

Message:
DO YOU THINK TIGER WOODS SHOULD GET THE HECK OUT OF DODGE IN FLORIDA
AND MOVE TO SWEDEN TO MAKE GOOD WITH HIS WIFE AND FATHER IN-LAW? AND
OTHER FAMILY TOO

A: He’s going to have too as he is losing sponsors left and right. Soon
you will see him doing a David Hasselhoff type endorsement but instead of
for German products it will be for Swedish things like the Swedish Penis
Pump.

Cheers.

Miley Cyrus – 03/04/10

admin — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:23:51 +0000

From: Gene Furleman

Message: HEY BRO, DO YOU THINK IT’S REALLY WEIRD THAT MILEY CYRUS AND BRETT MICHAELS DID A DUET TOGETHER?

A: Gene, someday soon Chris Hansen from NBC’s “To Catch A Predator” is going to show up at your house.

Big Words – 03/02/10

admin — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 22:58:43 +0000

From: Thom Catt

Message:
Ok, so no big words. I’ll type slowly so you can keep up. Some people
are educated beyond their abilities, you do not have that problem.

BTW you missed beer at 6:00. Too cold to sit on the porch?

A: You can type fast but I have to read and re-read really slowly.
Sometimes I have my 4 year old read to me. I love Mother Goose. This
weather sucks Thom so you won’t see me anytime soon. Plus we have a bout
of pink eye running through house.

Payton Manning – 03/02/10

admin — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 22:57:23 +0000

From: I’m definitely not related to Parker

Message: Does Payton Manning seem kind of gay? I mean, he’s an NFL legend in the making, yet there are never stories about him chasing random poon, knocking up random skanks, or any hi-jinks, in general.

A: Mr. Manning is actually not hetero or homo sexual. He is asexual which means he spends alot of time in the shower by himself after the games. This allows him more freedom to shoot more commercials for his endorsement deals. Eli on the other hand was spotted with Tiger Woods at a Vegas party so read into that what you will.